The day has come. We used to wake up and have hundreds of emails in our inbox, most of which we delete before even opening. Not anymore. Those daily business emails are no longer in our inboxes, instead they’re conveniently in our Clutter folder.

 

Are you frustrated that your emails aren’t getting sent to Clutter, or even better, not opened at all?

Follow these tips and your emails will be get the unopened results you’re searching for.

 

1. Never test your emails

Your emails are perfectly formatted, with the right content and audience from the first email. You don’t want to be the most current e-mailer, so keep the same format during your entire campaign without updating. Don’t utilize the abundant analytical tools available to test and track your email results. It’s a waste of your time, and you are always right, not the customer.

 

2. Don’t bother optimizing and targeting

Avoid creating engaging content that is relevant to the viewer. The more relevant the email content is, the more likely it is they will read the email, engage with your organization, and worse, possibly become a loyal fan. The customer might start telling their friends about your organization. Plus, the more engagement means more conversion rates, which means more revenue, and we don’t want that.

 

3. Only send promotional emails

Customers are getting really good at ignoring hundreds of promotional marketing messages they are hit with every day. Your promotional emails though will definitely grab their attention. Don’t shift to the new trend of content marketing. Customers still just want outbound marketing, where you email them all the details about your product or service, the prices, utility and location at which they can buy them. Inbound marketing is just a successful marketing tactic for newer organizations that are getting their emails sent to the Inbox.

 

4. Make your subjects lines as creative, long, detailed, animated, and as boring as possible

We want to bore and confuse the reader before they open the email. Clarity in the subject line will help the reader understand the purpose of the email, and possibly call to action, so be really creative with the subject line and make it really long. Include these words in the subject line: Free, Help, Percent Off, Reminder

5. Make sure mobile devices can’t read your email

Though mobile devices and tablets are growing in popularity for email and web surfing, we want to hold onto just the few desktop users that are left. Avoid responsive web design testing to be sure your emails aren’t readable and accessible by mobile device and tablet users.

 

 

6. Get Blacklisted

Don’t get your user’s permission to send them emails by using opt-in, double opt-in, or opt-out techniques. We prefer to be labeled as sending unsolicited email, thus getting Blacklisted and never be allowed to send users email again.

 

Well there you have it. 6 steps to help you create the worst, most unreadable emails that I guarantee will not be opened and just sent to Clutter. Happy emailing!

 

 

 

Gabriella Fortuna is a marketing student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. You can connect with her on LinkedIn.